Friday, January 23, 2015

2015-Who Am I

I've thought a lot about this post and wasn't sure if I should put this out there or not.  This post is a little deep for me but maybe someone can relate and give me advice.  Who knows! 

Okay, I've decided that my one resolution for 2015 is to focus more on myself.  I'm so guilty of putting everyone else ahead of my needs, especially since I had Parker.  I think that is actually normal.  I remember telling my mom when I was in high school that she didn't have to buy me stuff and that I wanted her to spend some money on herself.  The same goes for my sister.  I didn't realize just how hard that would actually be until I became a mother.  See, somewhere in the past 5 years, I lost myself.  Really, I have.  I've often found my self saying "who am I?" 

I've always been pretty strong in my faith, or at least I thought I was.  The past 5 years have been really hard.  You know the old saying, what doesn't kill you will make you stronger?  Well, it's actually true.  God has put us through some pretty hard things and we've had to make some of the hardest decisions we've ever had to make.  But, I, well WE, have learned a lot.  I do feel that I'm stronger and still getting stronger.  I couldn't have asked for a better partner to do this life with.  Lee really has been my rock when I needed him the most.

Since 2010, I've made decisions to make my family happy.  What was best for my family of three.  But, did those decisions actually make Christy happy?  Mostly, yes, but partly no.  If you're getting my drift, you can figure out that the making me happy part has a lot to do with my job.  I've been in finance sales for 13 years.  I have a Bachelors in Business Administration.  I love finance but in the past few years, I have found that my heart really isn't in to the sales piece anymore.  I love, like really love, people but part of me is tired of dealing with the customer service part it.  If you don't deal with the direct public, you really don't know what you're missing.  Let me tell you, 60 & 70 year old people should be ashamed by how they act.  I'm also a people pleaser and hate to rock the boat.  I'm working on this part of my life my trying to make some changes to make me happy 8-5, Monday-Friday.  Hopefully, I will report back on this in a few weeks with some great news.  We shall see.

While trying to discover who I am this year, I hoping to grow my faith even deeper.  I finally took a step to get more involved in my church.  Most churches have small groups, bible study, etc., but our church calls them Fusion Groups.  I've joined an all women's group that will meet on Monday's at 8:00PM at Panera Bread.  This really fits my schedule.  I can come home, cook dinner, clean and still spend time with Parker before I have to leave.  I'm praying this group will help me find myself also. 

I know this is kind of all over the place but it's real.  I'm also reading "You're Already Amazing".  This book came highly recommended and I'm loving it so far.  So, here's to 2015, a year about Christy! 



  1. I do relate to you on so much of this. I feel like "Aishlea" has been lost in the past few years. I have noticed that I lose my temper, or say something too quickly, a lot more than I ever have before. It's like my fuse has shrunk and I don't like that stressed-out version of me. I'm on a similar journey to finding myself again. Here's hoping both of us make 2015 a year of ourselves returning a bit! I don't want to sound like I'm complaining, because I couldn't love my little family more. But I have this constant guilt of am I doing enough, to not feeling appreciated to not knowing who I am anymore... Random and all over the place too!!!

    1. I'm so glad to know I'm not alone. The struggle is so real. I want to find that person I was a long time ago. I'm happy, don't get me wrong, but I don't feel like I'm myself.